Repository: UIHistories Project: Magazine - Illinois Chemist (1922 Selections) [PAGE 16]

EXTRACTED TEXT FROM PAGE:

T i l l . I l LINOIH C l I K M I i

said • lady to her millionaire husband, 1 dreadful news to break to you. You must summon all your fortitude for th< take of yout'

wi' md little ones. "

M\ dear,

It takes four \ours for n indent, hut it frequently tu in less than three months.

A good looking e-hi ami a

to tui .i >u( -i bad I

•• Speak," he said hoarsely. "The a) is out." "CI tt heavens has it me to this!" millionaire bowed his head and wept. Tw night.

1!

rail} go together. And the Gertrude says she would rather i I with a I

be with a fool.

a

udents rang a hated professor's bell at midHe put his head out o\' the window and want

To remove paint, sit down on it before il

There ai e meters of accents There are meters of tone Hut the host way to meet her is to me.-t, •a There are letters of accents T h e r e a r e letters of tone Hut the best wav to letter is 1 i let 'er alone.

oil to know what was u p .

, "One of your windows Is wide open. "Where" exclaimed the startled professor. "The one you are looking out of." "So you've got a wife," said Jones to a newly married Chemist "Don't know, don't know." replied the young man with evident hesitation. "Sometimes I think I've pot her and Bometimes 1 think she's go1 me.. You see, 1 've only boon married a few weeks and I n't 1 I just how the blamed combination is goino; turn out." A young lady who had been married a little over a v r, wn i her mat tor of fact old fat hor. tying, 4 'Wo have the dearest cottage in the world, ornamenti I with the most charming creepers you over saw." Tl Id man read the letter and exclaimed : "Twins. by thunder." Jenkins v. in the pantry trying to open a can of tomal and making a great deal of unnecessary

n e about it. " W h a t in the world is the m a t t e r ? "

Pug: "I'm trying to get ahead."

X a e i o u s : " V«»u need one."'

The ages of spring chickens and women are th

d o u b t f u l subjects on this little e a r t h .

Advertisement seen in local store. "Buy our N « Fall Suits. They won't last long." The Englishman who said that hugging was "' 'armless" was wrong. It is 'armful. His second girl: "John and 1 are engaged, but did not accept him the first time he proposed."

H i s first g i r l : " N o , you w e r e n ' t t h e r e . " I

demanded his wife from the kitchen: "what are you Irving to open that can with?" ("an apener of course," he growled back. "Do you suppose I am trying to open it with my teeth?" Oh, I thought perhaps judging from your language that you were trying to open it with prayer.'

. . .

You never hear the boo complain, nor hear it weep nor w a i l ;

Hut If it wish, it can unfold a very painful tale.